Anglican Church to Let Gay Priests Marry

The Church of England has allowed homosexual priests to marry--so long as they pledge not to have sex. This curious arrangement is an attempt to satisfy church doctrine against allowing sex outside of full marriage, while still allowing priests to obtain the newly legalized civil partnership available in England. The Lesbian and Gay Christian Movement estimates that 1,500 homosexual Anglican clergy will have exercised this right by 2010, and the decision is expected to re-ignite the divisive internal debate within the world-wide Anglican church over the issue of gay marriage.

Deep Throat Unveiled

One of the great mysteries of the 20th century has apparently been solved with little fanfare. Former FBI official W. Mark Felt has revealed that he is the Watergate source known as "deep throat." The exclusive story will appear in the June issue of Vanity Fair.

The identity of deep throat has inspired great speculation and discussion, but the end of the riddle was mostly met with shrugs. From MSNBC News:

Commentator Chris Matthews, who wrote a book about Watergate, said he wasn't surprised, adding that Felt "has always been the leading suspect."

Mr. Felt had publicly denied being Deep Throat in the past, but recently was convinced by his children to reveal his identity to help with family financial troubles. Daughter Joan's argument: "Bob Woodward's gonna get all the glory for this, but we could make at least enough money to pay some bills, like the debt I've run up for the kids' education. Let's do it for the family."

Maybe we'll find Jimmy Hoffa when the person who buried him can't pay the mortgage?

Worst Drivers?

I've proclaimed this for some time, but it's nice to have some empirical evidence to back me up: the Northeast has the nation's stupidest drivers. The GMAC Insurance National Driver's Test found that 1 in 10 American drivers would fail a state driver's test if they had to take one today. In the Northeast the figure doubles to 1 in 5!

If you've lived someplace else and then driven between Boston and Washington, D.C. you will not be at all surprised to learn that the path of states between these cities produce the very worst drivers our country has to offer. The trip down I-95 from Beantown to the Capitol is actually the consummate tour of driving stupidity; it includes: Massachusetts (2nd stupidest drivers), Rhode Island (stupidest of all! -average score 8 points above failing), Connecticut (8th stupidest), New York (4th), New Jersey (3rd ), Delaware (14th), Maryland (6th ), and Washington D.C. (5th). Amazingly, the eight state tour includes the six stupidest in the union.

Who has the smartest drivers? In order: Oregon, Washington, Iowa, Idaho, Vermont, Wyoming, Nebraska, and Wisconsin. See full rankings here.

Abortion Up Under Bush?

I've heard this a few times, and you probably have too: After a steady decline during the Clinton Presidency, abortions are up since 2001 under the Bush administration. DNC Chairman Howard Dean repeated the charge Tuesday on Meet the Press: "You know that abortions have gone up 25 percent since George Bush was President?" he asked Tim Russert.

Turns out to be false. Abortions have continued to consistently drop under Bush. Where did this myth start? When Glen Harold Stassen, a professor at Fuller Theological Seminary, made an analysis based on 16 states for Sojourners magazine. His counter-intuitive conclusion, proclaimed a month before the 2004 election, was too convenient not to be employed by opponents of his policies, who understandably assumed the data was solid. Turns out it wasn't. The respected Guttmacher Institute launched their own investigation (involving 43 states) and found a modest decline in abortions under Bush. But are they a pawn of the administration?

No. And here I'll defer to FactCheck.org:

Guttmacher has little motive to make Bush and his anti-abortion policies look good. The institute was founded in 1968 in honor of a former president of the Planned Parenthood Federation of America, and describes its mission as being" to protect the reproductive choice of all women and men in the United States and throughout the world.”

Ironically, a pro-life seminary professor had the integrity to draw attention to data supporting pro-choice talking points...and a pro-choice institute had the integrity to proclaim his findings false. If only the discussion on abortion could be conducted in as fair and civil a manner as the research...

Tom & Katie a Fake?

A few weeks ago we reported the surprising and intriguing pairing of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. In the days since we've seen every superficial TV program advertise their own I'm-so-crazy-about-this-woman interview. "We got a chance to sit down with Tom Cruise and hear about his hot new love, Katie Holmes. And trust us--you've never seen him like this!" But Tom seemed just a little too geeked up about his new relationship (jumping up and down on Oprah's couch?) and what began as a whisper has gained enough currency to now be the prevailing wisdom: Tom Cruise's new ga-ga romance is just for show. Tina Brown has a great take at the Post.

Tom, I still believe. And I will most certainly buy a ticket to War of Worlds, due in part to my increased in interest in you on a personal level, spawned largely by your frolic on Oprah's furniture. (<--sarcasm)

Loosh Spot on Slate!

We're going national, people. Slate, the nation's #1 online political/current events magazine, runs a daily digest of the blogosphere. Wonders never cease, my little blog made the scene. Unbeknownst to me, a few weeks ago Slate picked up my analysis of Rosa Parks' Outkast lawsuit (last item). This very happily brought some visitors.

An initial poster lamented that my "unfortunate blog" had gained national attention, and took me to task for not honoring Parks more. A second poster backed up my initial post, interpreting my comments as provacative hyperbole (correct, and thank you; though the first commenter's rebuke is still somewhat deserved, and I do appreciate those comments as well).

Back to the important part, the blog made it onto Slate!!

I don't know quite how to say this...it's kind of a big deal...People know me... I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany...

Quick Apology

Sorry there's been so little posting lately. I've been travelling, launching another blog, and trying desperately to regain internet access at my apartment (success last night!). We will very shortly be back up to full throttle and better than ever.

Bush Goes to Calvin

President Bush is delivering the commencement address at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan this weekend. The Christian college is one of only two the President will address at graudation this year. His visit is being met with a fair amount of protest, however, from faculty and students who feel the President's administration has not reflected the peace-seeking Christian values of Calvin. The Detroit Free-Press reports the story with a novel new idea: quoting moderate and left-of-center Christians talking about politics! Just imagine if this wild idea caught on someday at the New York Times and CNN!?

Don't count on them to set fire to the strawmen just yet...

The Qur'an, Toilets, and Newsweek

Wow. A big story happened while I was in Las Vegas. Political riots (perhaps) stemming from a now-retracted Newsweek article about detainee abuse at Guantanamo killed 16 people in Afghanistan. The fury over this has been wild, with the White House on the offensive and the bloggers frothing at the mouth. Slate has articles tracing the Newseek frenzy as it traveled through both the mainstream media and the blogs. Today, David Brooks calls for a little sanity in the NY Times, where yesterday Thomas Friedman posed an interesting question: why do Sunni Muslims erupt in fury when the Qur'an is destroyed, but quietly accept the obliteration of living Shiite Muslims bodies? For more colorful commentary, see why Ann Coulter has become the most beloved and and reviled woman in America.

SWAT Team, Papa John's Now Listed Together in Yellow Pages

A two-day hostage standoff in Australia was finally negotiated when authorities caved to inmates' demand for 15 pizzas. When the pies were delivered, the hostage takers promptly released guard Ken Hannah. Apparently the staff at the prison contacted the Phillipines' foreign relations team for advice (or no one at all). Don't they realize what the prisoners will do when they get a hankering for buffalo wings?

Contact Lenses that Work Like Sunglasses?

Nike is testing colored contacts that work like sunglasses on select professional athletes around the globe. Tennis and baseball players are getting red ones that purport to help athletes track fast movement better, while golfers are receiving gray ones that supposedly help a golfer discern the lie of a ball better. The players quoted in the article seem to think the lenses work very well. Is it the wave of the future in sports?

Great bonus unintentional comedy in this This Is London article, which mentions "Brian Roberts, of US basketball team Baltimore Orioles." BASEball, lads. Baseball.

Custard is the New Finger Food

Apparently public disuptes about human fingers in commercial food is becoming a monthly occurance. May's fingertip surfaced in Raleigh, North Carolina where Clarence Stowers was served the finger in his chocolate custard minutes after it was chopped from the unlucky hand of 23 year old Brandon Fizer. The case is wildly interesting for a few reasons...

1. Somehow Mr. Fizer witnessed his finger getting clipped into the chocolate custard, yet it was served to Mr. Stowers minutes later.
2. When the owner of Kohl's Frozen Custard tried to retrieve the finger from Mr. Stowers shortly after it was served to him he refused, exiting defiantly with promises to call local TV stations and a lawyer (he did).
3. Mr Stowers was sharply criticized for choosing to hoard his evidence instead of returning the fingertip so doctors could attempt to reattach it to Mr. Fizer's hand. But as his lawyer Lee Andrews explained to CNN, "his client was concerned about possible disease in the fingertip and kept it because he wanted someone to test it for 'all the diseases that are out here now.' "

There are some tough choices in life, but consider this one: If you suspected disease in the severed finger you were holding, would you take it home to your freezer, or give it to the kid with blood pouring out of the other 2/3 of the finger??

Red State/Blue State All About Income?

Some think so. And they have color-coded maps to prove it.

How the International Clove Market Might Affect Legislation on Honeymoon Kissing

In Zanzibar, at least. This article is a great glimpse at some the interesting/funny issues that result when different cultures and religions collide. And of course it includes some great quotes--"Tourists should not indulge in sex acts or kiss openly...Every society has norms to be respected. We want a law that stipulates that while tourists are accepted, there are standards that forbid wearing very short dresses in public"

Question of the week:

Is anyone drinking Fiji bottled water for a reason other than the bottle? And could they state this reason and pass a polygraph test?

Be Nice To Ugly Kids

Adding to the list of scientific proof that pretty people are treated much better in life, a new study reveals that good-looking kids receive better parenting than their ugly siblings. Ouch. Maureen Dowd ponders the findings.

Onion Back

The Onion has returned to form, particularly with this recent gem. While all content cannot be endorsed, the Onion is still the funniest fake news service in the world and seems to have shaken its recent slump. This week's issue is great. Check out "Actual Expert Too Boring for TV." Like the best Onion articles, it only gets better as you keep reading.