Most Painful Reputation Killing Performance in a Soft Drink Commercial

And the award goes to... G-Love!!

Yes Mr. Love, the grammatically challenged Philadelphian who eschews normative speech patters in pursuit of a hipper brand of whiteness, has created a horrifically embarassing commercial for Coke Zero called "Chilltop." (The commercial updates a 1971 ad "Hilltop" that featured youngsters on a hill singing "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing.") This trainwreck of an attempt at reaching young viewers missess the mark by about 5 miles and features Mr. Love, brow furrowed in concentration, bobbing his head and singing:

I'd like to teach the world to chill
Take time to stop and smile
I'd like to buy the world a Coke
And chill with it awhile.

If the words went by quickly it would be much less painful. They don't. These four mind-numbingly stupid lines take twenty seconds to spill out. If they flashed the home phone number for G-Love's mother halfway through you'd dial her up and just tell her how sorry you were. The coterie of carefully selected multicultural friends who goofily nod their heads along in assent to their side-burned cult leader make this commercial even worse.

50 year old sitting in ad agency board room: "We put a bunch of diverse young people on a rooftop--downtown in a city! Then we bring in this guy G-Love, who sounds much cooler than a grown up white person, and we use the word "chill" egregiously. It's gonna be GREAT. The kids will love it."

The commercial is awful. When a writer for Business Week says you've failed to be hip, you've really failed to be hip. Coke tries to explain their thinking here, and you actually can see this monstrosity online. Click on "chilltop" to view the g-love disaster in its entirety, or click "chillosophy" to read about the spiritual underpinnings of this diet beverage (seriously).
G's not embarassed by his ad--"we've gotten a real good positive response"--and sees it as a sign of his blossoming entrepreneurship.

Since I first decided at 16 to make it in music, it's been all about getting into the game, getting your hustle on. I think I finally got a handle on it... Am I a businessman? I'm a musician who knows how to handle my business.

Less clear is whether Coca-Cola still knows how to handle its business.