Menopausal Oregonion Dials 9-1-1 for Love

Noise complaints in Aloha, Oregon brought police to the home of Ms. Lorna Jeanne Dudash, 45. Ms. Dudash was apparently making a ruckus but failing to meet her deepest needs. When the (allegedly handsome) deputy left, Lorna Jeanne--whose name sounds like a cookie co. to me--decided to call 9-1-1 and summon him back. From the AP story:

"He's the cutest cop I've seen in a long time. I just want to know his name," Dudash told the dispatcher. "Heck, it doesn't come very often a good man comes to your doorstep."

After listening to some more, followed by a bit of silence, the dispatcher asked again why Dudash needed the deputy to return.

"Honey, I'm just going to be honest with you, OK? I just thought he was cute. I'm 45 years old, and I'd just like to meet him again, but I don't know how to go about doing that without calling 911," she said.

The deputy returned, verified that there was no emergency and arrested her for misusing the 911 system, an offense punishable by a fine of up to several thousand dollars and a year in jail...

Poor Lorna Jeanne. She just wanted a good man. I hope she appears before a "cutie pie" judge. (No statutory penalty for passing a note to a bailiff...)

Russian President Offers Feline Excuse for Pedophilic Kiss

It's a little shocking to see a grown man approach and talk to a small boy, and then seize the boy by the waist when his father tries to pull him away. It's even weirder to then see the grown man swiftly lift the boy's shirt and kiss his stomach.

And that is why the voting public in Russia hasn't quite gotten past Vladimir Putin's decision last week to steal a belly-kiss from a 5 year-old.

(See this bizarre incident on video.)

I'm not sure what would happen if a U.S. President was filmed doing this. I'm quite certain that the public affairs team wouldn't let him offer the kind of explanation Putin did today:

"He seemed to me very independent, sure of himself and at the same time defenseless so to speak, an innocent boy and a very nice little boy. I tell you honestly, I just wanted to touch him like a kitten and that desire of mine ended in that act."

Oh ok, that makes sense. He was cute and defenseless, so you just had to touch him like a housepet... wait WHAT!?!? Is this ok? Is Russia comfortable being led by a man who wants to touch boys like kittens? I don't think anyone's accurately capturing how unfathomably weird this whole thing is!