Up and Down Week for Brown University

First, my alma mater gets embarassed when an undercover film crew from "The O'Reilly Factor" shot footage of the off-the-charts debauchery that happens each year at the "SexPowerGod" Queer Alliance party. The party happens every fall at Brown and if you remember what happened you drank conservatively. If you had on more than Saran Wrap you dressed conservatively. This year, with the film crew on hand, a record 20+ students had to be carted away for medical attention. Yeesh. Highlights from the report:

[Producer Jesse Waters] heard students having sex in the bathroom stall next to him and saw others having sex behind the DJ booth..."It was the wildest party I'd ever been to," he added. "Girls were falling down drunk all over the place." ...

O'Reilly began the segment on the "prestigious" and "highly regarded Ivy League school" by saying the footage of the event was "not for kids... [one] shot showed a student, clad only in a red drinking cup, entering an EMS truck.

NICE. It's shady to film drunk kids without their knowledge but... c'mon, people. We did most of the embarassing ourselves...

In happier news, I'd like to congratulate the IVY LEAGUE CHAMPION Brown U. Football Team!!!

Yes, our season-capping win over lowly Columbia makes us outright Ivy Champs for the first time ever. Even more impressive is running back Nick Hartigan, who ran for for 229 yards and three touchdowns on Saturday, setting new Ivy League records for career touchdowns (54) and points (324)...all after flying into NYC the previous night from a Rhodes Scholarship interview in Pittsburgh.

Hartigan definitely represents the best of our school. Suffice to say he wasn't the kid boarding the ambulance in a red drinking cup.