NBA Player-Hating (in proverbial sense)

Ever since professional basketball began to more openly embrace hip hop culture in the post-Michael Jordan era, NBA Commissioner David Stern's motherly dictatorship of the league has progressed from arrogant and overinvolved to downright patronizing, exploitative, and over-bearing. Stern clearly fetishes the young black stars that sell his product with their talent and charisma, yet he plainly dislikes the culture that has produced, and been embraced by, most of them. And so for some time he has engaged in a quiet, passive-agressive campaign to compel them to act a little less hip hop, and a little more like Mike and Magic.

Yes, the commisioner still yearns for players in the 80's-early 90's mold, like Jordan and Magic Johnson. They were black mega-stars, but they were easily embraced by older generations and mainstream white America. Their shorts fell only to mid-thigh, they wore suits off the court, smiled frequently, and never gave post-game interviews in wife-beaters, retro jerseys, or do-rags.

You could say that Stern has been dragged into the Allen Iverson era kicking and screaming, but in truth he hasn't gone anywhere. What he's done is quietly take careful steps to mitigate the league's public embrace of young urban (read: black) culture. He's not racist (not my charge) or even elitist, probably; just a businessmen trying to make sure he can sell his sport in Iowa living rooms. But his paternalistic micro-managing of players' self-expression is wrong nonetheless.

And it reached a new low on Monday when he issued a memo instituting a new "minimum" dress code for the NBA. Beginning this season, if a player is "on team or league business," he is not allowed to wear the following:

• Sleeveless shirts
• T-shirts, jerseys, or sports apparel (unless appropriate for the event (e.g., a basketball clinic), team-identified, and approved by the team)
• Headgear of any kind while a player is sitting on the bench or in the stands at a game, during media interviews, or during a team or league event or appearance (unless appropriate for the event or appearance, team-identified, and approved by the team).
• Chains, pendants, or medallions worn over the player's clothes.
• Sunglasses while indoors.
• Headphones (other than on the team bus or plane, or in the team locker room).

That's right. Now we'll be spared the ghastly sight of a player getting off a bus wearing a medallion or giving an interview in a hat. Instead, while on team business, players are now "required to wear Business Casual attire," defined by the league as:

• A long or short-sleeved dress shirt (collared or turtleneck), and/or a sweater.
• Dress slacks, khaki pants, or dress jeans.
• Appropriate shoes and socks, including dress shoes, dress boots, or other presentable shoes, but not including sneakers, sandals, flip-flops, or work boots.

Players attending games they are not playing in must wear sport coats and dress shoes.

(Iverson will have to lose the hat, necklace, and non-sanctioned jersey.)

Honestly, I think these requirements could seem overboard and paternalistic for a prep school basketball team--but for the NBA? Grown men, extremely gifted and possessing tremendous market value, are being treated like children and told that they're somenow unprofessional on account of their personal style. And it's ridiculous. Players' immediate reactions suggested that many don't expect to follow the code and don't expect others to either. But Stern quickly responded, saying that players resisting his policy "will have to make a decision about how they want to spend their adult life in terms of playing in the NBA or not." What a jerk.