Bush Nominates Walrus; Goo Goo Ga Joob

The President has force-fed the United Nations his controversial pick for ambassador, John Bolton, who for 5 months had met consist-ent resistance on account of his offensive mustache and even more offensive way of relating to colleagues (particularly subord-inates and those who openly dis-agreed with him--the nerve!).

So he's not that charming or sexy. So co-workers describe him as a "kiss-up, kick down," "really creepy" guy. So he chases the occasional female colleague through a Moscow hotel room shouting and throwing files at her, and then bangs on the door and shoves papers through the mail slot when she flees to her room.

We need a tough guy at the U.N., say his backers.

And what informed observer of the U.N. hasn't wished someone would hurl a thick paper-filled folder at Kofi Annan? We need a man who will get results!

Bush, undeterred by the steady bipartisan stream of former associates who have come forward to describe his nominee as a first class jerk, nominated Bolton during the Congressional recess in order to bypass the Senate confirmation process (which, like the Geneva Convention and U.N. is also apparently losing its relevance). Let the reign of the Walrus begin!